Tuesday, May 02, 2006

her cigarette smoke
haloes the moon
cicada's song

- dustin neal

4 Comments:

Blogger Little Onion said...

hi dustin - the inversion of line one and two jars for me a little - to be honest most inversion of speech does though it hasn't stopped me from using it sometimes and jarring myself later :-)

we have a haiku in two parts the smoke around the moon juxtaposed with the cicada's song i can see it smell it hear it what's it like not inverted?

her cigarette smoke
haloes the moon
cicada's song

urm... maybe... or..

cicada's song
her cigarette smoke
haloes the moon

or maybe just as was :-)

we don't really get cicada songs from our grasshoppers in quite he same evocative way warmer areas do but they do sing out on the heath and then the search is on...

who will find and catch it first!?

Thanks for sharing this and bringing back memories of warm summer childhood days when unfortunatly one of our 'boy's games' was to put any caught grasshopper into an ants nest and see what happened...

3:57 AM  
Blogger texas haijin said...

i edited this ku. thanks!

8:11 AM  
Blogger Denis said...

Seeing this first as edited and liking it.

12:22 PM  
Blogger polona said...

i like the image it conveys.

1:55 PM  

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